House Centipede Extermination

Craziest shit happened. I was watching my TVB at 3 in the morning and I was hit with the munchies. I wanted some nacho cheese so I went downstairs to get the cheese salsa out of the fridge. I like to microwave my cheese so that it's warm, just like the ones in the movie theaters. As I went to reach for a bowl in the dish rack, I saw a huge ass bug about 1.5 inches long with ~30 legs in the sink. I've seen these bugs trapped in my sink a couple of times, when I get my midnight snacks but I was too pussy to kill them so I just ignore it. This time, I wanted to give it a try to exterminate it.

I thought it might be fun and expose the least risk to me if I burn it, so I got my dad's lighter on top of the fridge and I was like, "naw chill. There's not enough reach with this lighter!" The bug is gonna pounce on my hand and crawl up my arms. So I searched through my cabinets and found a lighter that has about an 8 inch reach with a large flame. I tried chasing him with the lighter but he runs so fast when the flame goes near him. I gave up with burning it because the flame was getting short.

That hopeless thing kept trying to crawl up my sink. I went to the bathroom to get some bleach and that jug was too heavy to aim with so I just poured a little bit at the corner and knew it wasn't going to work. I opened up my fridge and found some lemon juice and splashed a capful on him. I thought the acid would burn him, but he seemed more energized than ever. I gave him another capful and it was laying at the corner of the sink.

I took a spoon and poured a capful of salt on him hoping to dehydrate him. I watched him for 10 minutes and he was still moving as if nothing happened! I lost my patience and then I saw the hot water dispenser. I got a good amount of hot water in a cup and splashed it on him. The poor thing lost about 20 of its legs from that splash. He was still trying to swim out of the steaming water alive.

I let him sit for a while and after another 10 minutes, I presumed he was dead, but he was still moving! I had no idea how to clean up the 20 loose legs and the body lying in the sink. My dad would be pissed and question my manliness if I left it there. I went to grab 2 sheets of Bounty (because 1 is not enough), folded it up into a thick package (in case any of its juices manage to squirt on me), and laid it on top of him. I took off my slipper and dabbed the Bounty a few times and saw his black imprint from THAT many layers of paper towel. I finally mustered up the courage to pinch it and flush it down the toilet.

I went back up to my room to do research on what bug it was and found out it's a house centipede. I also found out that often times, they get trapped in the sink. They feed on cockroaches, spiders, and a bunch of other bugs. I don't know if the lemon juice, bleach, or salt weakened his legs or not, but the hot water really did the job in immobilizing him.

I wish I had something to videotape this 1-hour murder.