Father and Son: Generational Differences

...continuation of Relationship Arguments

The problem with my dad is that he grew up in China with a filial Chinese boy state of mind. He believes that when dinner is ready, everyone has to drop whatever they're doing and rush to the dinner table. I have a completely different view on dinnertime. I like to finish doing one thing before starting another. Dropping my work to force food in my packed stomach doesn't sound quite logical to me.

My dad values family first. I know he wants the best for his family, but sometimes his efforts of trying to solve our problems only makes it worst. Rule of thumb: When it's not your problem, don't attempt to solve it unless you're asked for help otherwise you're a nuisance. For example, my brother bought a new car and it only comes with one key. My dad has constantly bothered my brother to get a spare key in case he loses this one. My brother has delayed this task for several months and my dad complains to my mom about my brother's problems.

My dad takes his anger out on my mom for our problems. He never comes to me or my brother to complain or start an argument because he knows we can bat every pitch he throws. So instead, he takes the easy road and complains to other people about our bad habits instead of solving it with us face-to-face. Instead of creating drama and commotion, it would be much easier if he stopped being such a worry-wart.

Being the only one employed in the family, my dad has been working hard to put food on the table for his family in the larger portion of his life. He is hardworking but he doesn't realize he is getting old, clumsy, and fragile. He can't randomly run into things anymore, hoping his wounds will heal the next day. His injuries get him even more mad because it makes him feel incapable of functioning normally.

After working for so long as a robot, he has lost the purpose of enjoying life. He does not know how to find enjoyable things to do in life. He watches the news and soccer from time to time, but I think he should occupy his time by finding more things that interest him.

My uncle told me that I looked a lot like my father when he was a teenager. Even though we have different values, I find that I act a lot like my father. I have a strong feeling that I will be like my father, following a lot of his footsteps. I will continue giving advice even if other people take it as a scolding because that's just how I am.

Because I have a high level of tolerance and open-mindedness, I tend to believe a lot of people are like me, but I realized there are still a lot of stubborn, close-minded people out there. It is very hard for me to cooperate with these type of people, but I'm learning.

Relationship Arguments

I was born a couple of months after my parents decided to purchase the house in which we currently reside. They thought that since mortgage was almost as expensive as rent that it would be a good idea to invest in a house than to pay off rent in an apartment. Of course they were thinking about the well-being of their family's future also.

Now, thinking back on the past 20 years, my parents think the purchase was a mistake. It has caused more problems than I can articulate. The endless amounts of work they had to go through and the stress they have accumulated over all those years has caused them to think that there is nothing that can be done to cure the many years of unhappiness that has occurred. The drama king and drama queen would start arguing over the littlest things that result in leaving nothing but an unhappy couple.

After hearing my mom's complaints about my dad's "yelling", I've found relevance between my parents' relationship and my relationship with my girlfriend. I am guilty of committing some of the annoyance that my dad commits and my mom has brought it to my attention. We both like to give advice on "the right way" to do things.

For example, here's a kitchen scenario: my mom is making dinner in the kitchen and my dad decides to stroll in.

From my mom's perspective, my dad, out of boredom, comes into the kitchen, trying to pick out every little bad thing she does. Whether it be time management between cooking three dishes or the order of the cooking procedure. He only tells her the bad things that she is doing, and rarely complimenting her on the good things that she is doing.

(This act sounds familiar. As if it was something I would do.)

I was trying to explain to her that maybe his way of doing it is better! Like me, my dad likes giving advice on making work more efficient, but the other party might think of this advice as "yelling".

I truly give my mom props for tolerating all those years of scolding and being a housewife is not easy. It is a 24/7 job and for the most part, she doesn't get a salary. I would also like to give my apologies in advanced to whomever that may take my advice the wrong way in the future. Words can be interpreted in many different ways and you have to understand both party's perspectives to fully understand people's post-actions.

There's really no point in regretting the past because at the time, they thought their decision was the right decision. The purchase of this house was a mutually agreed decision and I'm sure they weighed the ups and downs. They just didn't expect all the variant obstacles that has come along with it.

This has also made me realize that many people work hard in hopes of passing down their assets to their offspring to increase the likelihood of their success. My parents bought this house so I wouldn't have to live in a cramped apartment and so I wouldn't have to deal with investing my money in a house in the future. Now I have to find a way to make a good investment so I can pass down my successes, along with my parents' success, to my future child(ren).