Relationship Statuses in Chinese

The Chinese language uses "separation" as a key word to describe relationship statuses. I never thought of deconstructing Chinese phrases, because I learned them as individual vocabulary words when I was a kid, as opposed to the construction of how the phrases came to be. I was taught to think like an optimist in school, but the foundation of relationship in the Chinese language rests upon the pessimistic word "separation". I thought it was confusing at first because I grew up in a society that teaches optimism in school. Here's my analysis:

Kit Fun means married, which literally translates to "[the] end [of the] separation", as if there was a norm of "togetherness" that everyone is expected to have since the very beginning of life.

Ding Fun means engaged, which literally means "stabilized separation". I first thought, 'why would there be separation in engagement?' I think what they're trying to say is that they're still separated, but in a stable relationship as well. But in English, a "stabilized separation" is not the same as "separated, but in a stable relationship."

Fun Sow means to break up. It literally translates to "separation [of] hands", as if it's normal for people to have someone's hand to hold to begin with.

Lei Fun means to divorce, which literally translates to "come separation". This is like saying, "Our separation has come", like it's something expected to happen sooner or later.

I was taught by many writing teachers/professors to change my writing into a more optimistic view as opposed to the pessimistic view. For example, they would tell me to change the product is cheap to the product is inexpensive. Professors penalize me for writing in a pessimistic view, opposed to the expected optimistic standpoint. I blame Chinese for making me write the way I do. Too bad I'm a conformist.

But still, I love how I use Chinese metaphors all the time without realizing how funny their literal meanings are.

My favorite:
Gwai leen how - Describing someone screaming as if a ghost is choking one by one's throat. I ask my mom "Gwai leen how ah?" when she speaks :)

Relationship Arguments

I was born a couple of months after my parents decided to purchase the house in which we currently reside. They thought that since mortgage was almost as expensive as rent that it would be a good idea to invest in a house than to pay off rent in an apartment. Of course they were thinking about the well-being of their family's future also.

Now, thinking back on the past 20 years, my parents think the purchase was a mistake. It has caused more problems than I can articulate. The endless amounts of work they had to go through and the stress they have accumulated over all those years has caused them to think that there is nothing that can be done to cure the many years of unhappiness that has occurred. The drama king and drama queen would start arguing over the littlest things that result in leaving nothing but an unhappy couple.

After hearing my mom's complaints about my dad's "yelling", I've found relevance between my parents' relationship and my relationship with my girlfriend. I am guilty of committing some of the annoyance that my dad commits and my mom has brought it to my attention. We both like to give advice on "the right way" to do things.

For example, here's a kitchen scenario: my mom is making dinner in the kitchen and my dad decides to stroll in.

From my mom's perspective, my dad, out of boredom, comes into the kitchen, trying to pick out every little bad thing she does. Whether it be time management between cooking three dishes or the order of the cooking procedure. He only tells her the bad things that she is doing, and rarely complimenting her on the good things that she is doing.

(This act sounds familiar. As if it was something I would do.)

I was trying to explain to her that maybe his way of doing it is better! Like me, my dad likes giving advice on making work more efficient, but the other party might think of this advice as "yelling".

I truly give my mom props for tolerating all those years of scolding and being a housewife is not easy. It is a 24/7 job and for the most part, she doesn't get a salary. I would also like to give my apologies in advanced to whomever that may take my advice the wrong way in the future. Words can be interpreted in many different ways and you have to understand both party's perspectives to fully understand people's post-actions.

There's really no point in regretting the past because at the time, they thought their decision was the right decision. The purchase of this house was a mutually agreed decision and I'm sure they weighed the ups and downs. They just didn't expect all the variant obstacles that has come along with it.

This has also made me realize that many people work hard in hopes of passing down their assets to their offspring to increase the likelihood of their success. My parents bought this house so I wouldn't have to live in a cramped apartment and so I wouldn't have to deal with investing my money in a house in the future. Now I have to find a way to make a good investment so I can pass down my successes, along with my parents' success, to my future child(ren).